Friday, June 1, 2007

Brides Beware

DeLois showed me this article from Today in Mississippi that she thought I would enjoy. I did, so I share it with you. Perhaps you feel the same way as the author, Kay Grafe.

Today in Mississippi, June 2007. Today I have advice for newly or nearly wed. Never say, "Sit down and rest. I'll do the dishes."

Little did we know that choices made the first few months of marriage gain momentum and follow us along the marriage trail until death-do-us-part.

Consider your life. I recently began considering mine and all the choices I made that haunt me every day. I know from experience that making an about-face has consequences. Even a small change in the way we've "always done things" is like walking up a 45-degree slope, or marking off battle lines and throwing verbal shots until one gives up the fight.

One of the first decisions is choosing your side of the bed. This was critcal in my marriage. There were several options to consider: the window and the bedroom door. I wanted no window next to me nor the side near the door. Girls were forewarned as children. Don't think the long route to the bathroom isn't important. Later it's critical.

As years went along a bedroom TV became part of the scenario. Which side of the bed now? Without a remote control one of us had to get up and turn it off. In our bedroom his feet blocked part of my view, but I chose feet over changing my side of the bed.

Another decision made early in marriage is money management, or who pays the bills. If you shun dealing with matters that are occasionally depressing, steer clear. Yet, you may enjoy supervising money flow. I was once a supervisor, but the flow dried up before it reached the headwaters. My resignation was requested.

A mistake many women make is to say, "Honey, go sit down. I'll do the dishes." I hearily advise you to reconsider it. If he rests too many nights, the habit is rooted and it takes a bulldozer to dig him out.

Never say, "You're responsible for the outside work and I'll take the inside work." Some men take you literally. Their eyes are closed to the countless household details a wife performs - until she's visiting relatives or falls sick. If wives go visiting, some plan and have details tied and meals cooked before they leave. But have an accident or get the flu...husbands fall apart. It's our fault. Teach them the basics the first year.

Other decisions made early in marriage: Who arises first and makes coffee? Does he pack his own clothes for a vacation? Does your sweetie pick up what he pulls out? Open doors for you? Teach, teach, teach.

Does your husband run to the grocery store when you need a few things? Or do you stop what you are doing, like cooking or washing clothes, to go purchase eggs or washing powder? Yet, he's in his recliner watching TV or piddlin'.

Who takes the dog out? Sweeps the porches? Insists on nice vacations? Rub your back?

My, oh my.

Just remember, the decisions or choices you make could last a lifetime. My advice to my gender is to mull it over in your own mind before you regret such words as, "Sweetie, sit down and rest. I'll do the dishes."

I will add my own note - I've already been making Jason do the dishes. After all, I cooked the meal, so it's only fair!

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